https://amazon.com/author/doralp
printf() Debugging in Style: The Only Debugger That Never Lies
(Unless You Messed Up the Format String, In Which Case It Will Lie Like a Politician on Fire, Douse Itself in Gasoline, and Blame the Compiler)
Are you tired of breakpoints? Does the sight of a step-over button fill you with existential dread? Do you believe that if God had wanted us to use graphical debuggers, He wouldn’t have given us the terminal?
Then you, my friend, are ready for The Gospel of printf().
In this hilarious pilgrimage back to the sacred command line—where real programmers go when the IDE crashes—veteran coder Nick Doralp (PhD in Semicolon Trauma) unleashes a riotous guide to debugging the old-school way. Forget fancy tools; slap a %d or %s into your code and watch the magic (or mayhem) unfold. From tracing sneaky variables to styling your logs like a neon rave, this book blends practical tips with side-splitting satire, all under the watchful gaze of the Terminal Owl.
Inside, you’ll discover:
- The Initial Despair: When segfaults hit and debuggers fail—toss in that first printf(“Got here!”); like it’s an emergency flare.
- Advanced Shenanigans: Macros, conditional prints, and global booleans to turn your code into a logging powerhouse (without the overhead).
- Beyond C: Python’s carefree print(), Java’s verbose System.out.println, and Bash’s primal echo—same clown, different circus.
- Ethical Nightmares & Abuses: Printing PII horrors, collaborative log disasters, and using printf() for ASCII art banners (because why not?).
- Bonus Appendices: Divine your bugs with a printf() Tarot deck, Ouija board rituals, and Mad Libs templates for panic-mode statements.
Packed with code examples, owl hoots, and zero mercy for over-engineered solutions, this 70-page manifesto is perfect for C devs, polyglot programmers, and anyone who’s screamed “IT WORKS ON MY MACHINE!” at 3 AM. Stop debugging. Start printing. Your sanity—and format strings—depend on it.
“I once saw Nick debug a kernel panic with a printf and a paperclip. The owl was for moral judgment.” — S. B. Glitch, Foreword
Dummy’s Guide to Becoming an Expert at Nothing: “Master the art of knowing absolutely zilch”
It was 3:47 a.m. on a Tuesday that never quite happened when I first met Nick Doralp. He was sitting on a beige couch in a room with no walls, staring at a beige wall that wasn’t there. Between us floated a single punch card—blank, of course. Nick didn’t look up. He simply exhaled a perfect 3-second sigh and said, “You’re early. Or late. Or both. Doesn’t matter.”
That was the moment I knew this book would change absolutely nothing—and everything.
I’ve spent my entire career (if you can call napping a career) trying to quantify the unquantifiable, measure the immeasurable, and invoice the uninvoiced. I once sold a cloud-shaped hole in the sky to a venture capitalist for 4.7 million imaginary dollars. Nick, however, has out-nothinged me at every turn. Where I patented silence, he copyrighted the pause between silences. Where I trademarked air, he franchised the concept of breathing without inhaling. He is, in short, the Muhammad Ali of doing jack squat.
This guide is not a book. It is a void with page numbers. It is a 48-page permission slip to stop pretending. It is the only self-help manual that actually helps—by refusing to help at all.
The IT Project Manager’s Guide to Losing Faith Gracefully: A Satirical Survival Manual for the Professionally Overwhelmed
When deadlines slip, budgets vanish, and stakeholders multiply — one veteran IT project manager refuses to lose his sense of humor.
After five decades in the trenches of technology, Nick Doralp has seen it all: the impossible timelines, the ever-shifting “final” scope, and the eternal war between reality and PowerPoint. The IT Project Manager’s Guide to Losing Faith Gracefully (and Still Delivering) is his darkly funny survival manual for anyone who’s ever been blamed for someone else’s great idea.
In this brutally honest and hysterically accurate guide, you’ll discover:
- How to manage chaos with caffeine and sarcasm
- Why every “urgent” email can wait until after lunch
- The sacred balance of Scope, Time, and Budget (Pick Two)
- The unspoken laws of meetings, metrics, and office madness
- And why “done” is just another word for “temporarily stable”
With stories, satire, and hard-earned wisdom from a career that started back when punch cards were cool, Doralp takes you through the sacred rituals, absurd hierarchies, and quiet heroism of modern project management. It’s Dilbert meets Terry Pratchett — in a data center fire.
Whether you’re a project manager, a developer, or just someone who’s survived a stand-up meeting, this book will make you laugh, nod in painful recognition, and maybe — just maybe — help you keep your sanity through your next sprint review.
Because in IT, success isn’t about control — it’s about survival.
Children’s books
Sierra – The Little AI Programmer by Grandpa Nick
Jameson and the Bedtime Science Truck by Grandpa Nick